Friday, February 3, 2012

A Dissected Heart, a River of Tears~

i shut my ears, closed my heart and put my eyes direct to the screen
to hell with everything around me
am seeing
my loved one crying without been able to help, running away from me
my beloved, moving on going to have a happy life with my best friend
my bestfriend, well sentence above describes it
my friends, some broken down to pieces n others going off for marriage
my works' not done, my assignments, projects n studies
my sleeping time is out of order
n lastly...
my spirit went down the drain

as the movie finishes, i stood up on my bed
yes, literally standing on my bed and looked over
5 bodies, fast adorable
then i looked at them one by one
and it touched my heart
2005, i will walk around the corridor just to see people sleeping
tuck them in, pull their blankets over them
fed them pillows, recite prayers for them if they seem not calmed
and 2012, i felt it has been so long since then
so i looked...n looked

one of them was trying to pull his blanket to cover his long body
n that blanket was thin as well, so he must be cold
it's -4 outside~
so i gave him my blanket, i felt warmth
the warmth of love :)
pull it over n watch him sleep

to the next one, due to others, he slept on the floor
without pillow, just blanket
so i took out my best pillow n gave it to him
reminded me of 2002
where i gave everything i could use to sleep in the cold night to others
pillow, blanket, shirts and even my kain pelekat
so i slept sitting down bersila to give them more space in the tent

another guy was sleeping without blanket,
he covers himself with another pillow
ah, i remembered, there's another blanket in the closet
treasure hunting time!!
so i gave it to him

the other two was perfectly silence
swept by their sweet dreams
except that the lights were on
and it's right above their eyes
in order to have my ow light
i switched on my bedside light and put up a barrier
so less light would reach them

and am done
i feel relieve
thank God for showing me part of me
the part of me that went missing along time ago
there's more to live than just urself
i am not a father to them
just a lil kid seeking n giving love

as i type this,a spider is making its home
near me
how he tried
going up and down
almost falling at times, just to be saved by its own web
tears came down
and it was not hurt
it was not of regret
but it was of how beauty Allah's guidance is

May Allah help us all...May Allah reach our heart and ease us
May Allah guide us through our hardship
May Allah, shine us with hidayah
May Allah help our loved ones
May Allah gives us what's best and keep our heart towards him
May Allah gives us motivation to not fall on each of His trials
May Allah forgives us all

~A Story of a Wondering Love~


Bella said...


i miss the old me :(

Anonymous said...

(: la tahzan innallah ma'anna (: <3