Friday, February 17, 2012

Love is a Double Edged Blade with no Handle~

be prepared to bleed when ur gonna love something
no matter how hard u try
ull get hurt
one way or another
but the pleasure of holding love
is more than anyone can ask for

a blade is shiny, sharp
it can pierced even the sharpest armor
to depth of ur heart
only to be hoped that it remains there

ask of urself r u willing to give
and not to take
to sacrifice and not to whine

the world is a lovely place where love is for everyone
but the touch of ur hand on this killer tool
only u should decide
how gentle is ur grip for each person u love

some chooses not to hold again
thus falling down to ground
hurting themselves and might hurt others as well

some choose to love evrything
bleeding for the right of everyone
bringing him d only one that's hurting

but some...knows their way around
a blade is not sharp everywhere
there's always a dull spot on the blade
and the eye, is for the one and only~~

embrace ur love, reminisce the moment, never make a person cry~

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Stressed Out~

I am totally unaware of myself
as i drifted away from reality
i thought i woke up from my dream months ago
only to realize that i woke up to a deeper dream

so many things to do
incapable of planning
n moreover, incapable of doing

perhaps am out of motivation to act
though i can motivate myself to continue on living
but i see no purpose of doing things till d very last minute
procrastination at its best

now its been a while without fb, twitter and even some of my emails
settling things one by one
paying the price o my mistake
but as i grow tired, i then consult myself
and things repeated, time's wasted
to comfort myself

i guess i do need u by my side
not as in need, really need, cant live without u
but just a small voice to tell me to do things
before it gets to late

u...whoever u are
please keep reminding of my responsibility
to my world~

I dont think im in that state of stress
but it turns out so
there are signs of me in stress all over me
n yet today only i agree
as no more zikr came out of my mouth
just constantly foul words mocking and hating myself

am drifting away~~

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Reminiscing, Desires of a Heart~

"It was my dream to set foot on that stage one day?"

"Let's dunk when we meet again"

"Making math subject people will love"

"Spread d'love"

these where the words i used to say once upon a time
i wish i had all that still inside me

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

A Lost Love, A Craving Heart~

Zac hugged him from behind as it was freezing cold. some people see it as gay, but hey, years back when we were all kids, we used to hug and some even kiss. Now, everything became wrong by own accord. Where is the love that once was there? t was not a tight hug, just lightly to get a bit of heat to overcome the winter night coldness... He looked down to Zac, it was no one but his very own brother. He would have budge if it was someone else, but looking at that small, long-haired, skinny kid, he accepted it.

Zac had no idea what went through his mind. Its a river of thoughts, of emotions of feelings, of stories untold, lies unfold. He imagined the warmth of the last hug he ever had and the way he returned it. Full of love, full of trust. Giving a feeling of safety and care, watching the person fall asleep in his arms. Then to wake up knowing that love is still there, smiling upon the morning breeze, morning shine. So many to ponder upon. but to no avail, the person's no more. Not here, not there, not anywhere around. 

If he was alone, tears would have fell down. But he hid it, being the ever so cold, emotionless, innocent guy. No one ever knew the feeling he ever had inside except for his little sister, the one who he seeks upon to tell the tales of a missing love. He shook his head hoping the touch of memory, the feeling of lost disappears. Nothing happens. Stories keep flashing down his lonely mind. He then pushed back Zac and ran to his Laptop and holding out his mobile. The phone was drop dead silent, no message, no phone call. Skype was on since the past 5 hours, still same stuff. Nothing...

Nervous and unsettled, he searched for any remains of memories, pictures, videos, anything. Again, nothing. He lost it, the whole hard disk of memories. He lost everything, even lost himself. Lost his forever love. What's left is only words and feelings. All the wisdom passed down, all the advice and all the lonely conversation they had is the only thing to prove the time they had existed

"nothing is urs forever, keep on living and accepting"
"savor the moment, fret not the past,and hope not much on future as nothing is for sure"
"love is simple, u give, give and give just to see a smile returned back to u"
"sacrifice sometimes is a must, but no one else should suffer for the sacrifices made"
"keep pushing forward, ur one tough guy"
"I can never promise u anything, i know it's unfair, but it's just me. just me..."
"I dunno. Whatever is in my heart is unknown"
"If its the best or both of us"

He's still holding his tears. This time distracting himself with the contacts he have online. that is his only remedy. the only hole to keep him company. He has lost his love and craving to ever see her again~~

Sunday, February 5, 2012


worry not my dear
life is not meant for u to think about urself alone~

Doakan lah ketenangan saudaramu~

Friday, February 3, 2012

A Dissected Heart, a River of Tears~

i shut my ears, closed my heart and put my eyes direct to the screen
to hell with everything around me
am seeing
my loved one crying without been able to help, running away from me
my beloved, moving on going to have a happy life with my best friend
my bestfriend, well sentence above describes it
my friends, some broken down to pieces n others going off for marriage
my works' not done, my assignments, projects n studies
my sleeping time is out of order
n lastly...
my spirit went down the drain

as the movie finishes, i stood up on my bed
yes, literally standing on my bed and looked over
5 bodies, fast adorable
then i looked at them one by one
and it touched my heart
2005, i will walk around the corridor just to see people sleeping
tuck them in, pull their blankets over them
fed them pillows, recite prayers for them if they seem not calmed
and 2012, i felt it has been so long since then
so i looked...n looked

one of them was trying to pull his blanket to cover his long body
n that blanket was thin as well, so he must be cold
it's -4 outside~
so i gave him my blanket, i felt warmth
the warmth of love :)
pull it over n watch him sleep

to the next one, due to others, he slept on the floor
without pillow, just blanket
so i took out my best pillow n gave it to him
reminded me of 2002
where i gave everything i could use to sleep in the cold night to others
pillow, blanket, shirts and even my kain pelekat
so i slept sitting down bersila to give them more space in the tent

another guy was sleeping without blanket,
he covers himself with another pillow
ah, i remembered, there's another blanket in the closet
treasure hunting time!!
so i gave it to him

the other two was perfectly silence
swept by their sweet dreams
except that the lights were on
and it's right above their eyes
in order to have my ow light
i switched on my bedside light and put up a barrier
so less light would reach them

and am done
i feel relieve
thank God for showing me part of me
the part of me that went missing along time ago
there's more to live than just urself
i am not a father to them
just a lil kid seeking n giving love

as i type this,a spider is making its home
near me
how he tried
going up and down
almost falling at times, just to be saved by its own web
tears came down
and it was not hurt
it was not of regret
but it was of how beauty Allah's guidance is

May Allah help us all...May Allah reach our heart and ease us
May Allah guide us through our hardship
May Allah, shine us with hidayah
May Allah help our loved ones
May Allah gives us what's best and keep our heart towards him
May Allah gives us motivation to not fall on each of His trials
May Allah forgives us all

~A Story of a Wondering Love~

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Moment in Life~

A moment in life when i feel like wanna ball
u know what that means...
someone be beside me...right now